Debauchery with Dexy’s“My earliest memories are of running about with no clothes on and drinking my own urine...”
I had a feeling Barry’d love that line. And, sure enough, he did. Gaffawed is what he did when he read it. Positively guffawed! Tim wasn’t so enthusiastic, though. I have a feeling he thinks this kind of thing brings down the tone of the magazine.
“I was about thirteen when I first began having sexual urges.”
I should, perhaps, point out at this juncture that this is not me I’m talking about. I can honestly say that I don’t recall ever having even the teeniest desire to drink my own (or anyone else’s urine). Moreover, my sexual urges had certainly made themselves known at a somewhat earlier phase of my life...
“All of a sudden I started getting very interested in girls.”
...and in somewhat different directions. The quotes above are (as any regular reader of this journal will surely by now have deduced) taken from my recent interview with Kevin Rowland of Dexy’s Midnight Runners. I went and interviewed him in his record company’s offices for a Flexipop! article all about his childhood memories. It’s a sort of ‘ghost writing’ I suppose because when it’s printed in the magazine, I won’t even get a mention. Readers are supposed to think that Mr Rowland felt a sudden urge to unburden his soul by divulging the sordid details of his urine-drinking youth to the favoured readers of Flexipop! whereas, in reality, it was I who had to draw out each squalid little morsel when all he wanted to talk about was his blasted new album...
“It happened one day as I was lying in bed,” Kevin continues, “It was one of the many days on which I was pretending to be ill in order to get off school, and I’d got my sister’s comics out and I noticed these photographs of teenage girls. From then on I was determined to have sex.
“My first sexual experience was with the vicar’s daughter. She was about fifteen and one day we just went back to her house and she seduced me...”
But you don’t want to read any more about that - or of his strange desire to become a hairdresser and design women’s clothes. Anyhow, if you do, you’ll just have to wait a couple of weeks until the next issue of Flexipop! comes out. As usual, it’ll be packed with fab stuff - most of it written by yours truly...
Tim (he’s one of the editors of Flexipop!) has booked me an interview with Annabella from BowWowWow! tomorrow. He says he thinks it would be interesting if I asked her for her views on the pressures which our patriarchal society exerts upon the post-feminist, post-modern, post-apocalyptic female psyche. Barry (the other editor) wants me to ask her if she farts in the bath. I think I may try to steer a course somewhere between those two extremes.
I can’t help wondering if my literary talents might not be wasted on Flexipop!