Altered Images alter their images for Huw Collingbourne (who's always had a secret desire to be Mae West!)

Judy Garland, Jesus, James Bond, Marlon Brando and a Muppet - the resemblances are uncanny!

CLARE, THE 19-year old singer with Glaswegian rock-group Altered Images, rattles wherever she goes. She never goes anywhere without a little vanity-case crammed full of tubes and compacts of makeup.

"Everybody's been smudging my lipstick today," she complains enigmatically.

At her first opportunity she's dipping into the case and trying out different shades of Crimson Sin, Passionate Peach and Romantic Dawn, while the rest of the group look on yawning.

It's obvious that Clare loves messing about with her image. Who would she like to be, I wonder, if she could alter her image completely and become somebody else - anybody in the whole history of the universe?

"Ooh, I'd like to be a big film star," she enthuses, "I'd be Judy Garland. She was wonderful. She was always so...

"So drunk!" Johnny interrupts. (He doesn't seem to be quite as keen on Judy Garland).

"So passionate, " Clare continues unperturbed, "And jolly. And American."

Ever since she was whisked away by a film director who spotted her in a café ("It was my legs he noticed," she giggles) to feature in the film, "Gregory's Girl", Clare has been obsessed with the idea of stardom - and as far as she is concerned Judy Garland was the greatest of all the Hollywood stars.

"I'd be Roger Moore," Jim says.

"Yes," murmurs Clare, ". . . just so you'd get all the gorgeous blondes."

"And I'd like to be Jesus, "Tony tells me earnestly.

"That's a bit dodgy." Clare warns him, "You don't want to be blasphemous."

Tony explains that he is really serious about wanting to be Jesus - "He is the person I admire most in history" - but the more serious he tries to be the more the rest of the group crease up in fits of laughter. It's the little red hat that's causing all the hilarity. Tony bought it the day before - immediately after a visit to the hairdresser's. The haircut was a bit savage and Tony is desperate to hide the few bristles that remain.

"I used to look quite normal," he whimpers sadly. "But now, with that hat on he looks like a matchstick!" Johnny adds with cruel accuracy.

Johnny himself can't make up his mind about who he'd like to be. It's a toss-up between Marlon Brando, Anthony Quinn and Top Cat. In the end he settles for Brando with Top Cat coming a pretty close second.

Unfortunately, the Images' drummer, Tich, hasn't shown up today - "He's probably still drunk from last night," I'm told but everybody agrees that if Tich could be anyone else it would be one of the Muppets.

The idea of Tich as a Muppet makes everybody titter and Clare flaps her hands and sticks out her tongue - a sure sign that she's enjoying herself.

The group has been together more than a year now, although Jim only joined them six months ago and is still being teased about being the "new boy".

They have been doing quite a bit of touring recently, promoting "Happy Birthday", and they enjoy going around all the sights of Europe. They especially liked Belgium "because it gave us a chance to see all the places in 'Secret Army' at first hand."

They made quite an impression in Brussels. "I spoke to the crowd in French," Johnny says - though he's not exactly sure what he said to them because he doesn't understand French! And Clare's elasticated skirt broke on stage - it went down well, I gather!

Clare likes France a lot. One of her great heroines from French history is Joan of Arc - maybe that's who she'd like to have been, she says, or even better, Judy Garland playing Joan of Arc.

But what is it about St. Joan that fascinates her, I wonder? I mean, being obsessed with a film-star like Garland is one thing . . . but Joan of Arc? How could anyone want to be a girl who was tied to a stake and burnt?

Clare suddenly falls unaccountably silent and fixes me with a piercing gaze of intense suspicion, "I know you lot," she tells me "Flexipop! will do anything to get in a bit of bondage."

"But Clare..." I stutter pleadingly, "Nothing could be further from my thoughts, You can trust us, we wouldn't make it sound as though there was anything unsavoury about it. I mean, just because you say you'd like to be tied to a stake and. . . "

"No!" she says firmly, "I'm not saying anything. If you, ask me, Flexipop! should be renamed Bondage-pop!"